Sex Ed.


You have now entered Sex Ed. Sit down and shut up!

(We find ourselves in a regular sex education classroom. The hitch? Well in this classroom the students are the Backstreet Boys, Nsync, Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, Christina Aguilera, V and Q.)

Teacher:(standing in front of the class)Okay, before we begin, everybody needs a partner. (almost immediately everybody is paired up. Joey and V, Nick and Q, Howie and Lance, Justin and Britney, Brian and Mandy, AJ and Chris, Kevin and JC. Christina is left by herself)

Christina: Teacher! I don't have a partner!

Teacher: Would anyone care to let Miss Aguilera join their group? (everybody, except for the teacher and Christina, duck under their desks. Joey, Nick, and Q all hitting their heads in the process.)

Christina: Well, fine! I'll just be by myself! (everyone comes up, sighing with relief)

Teacher: Okay, now that, that's settled let's get to work! We will begin with- Hey! You two back there! Stop that! (all heads quickly turn to the back of the classroom, where Britney and Justin were in the middle of a very heated make-out session. Sensing they were being watched, they quickly broke apart)

AJ: Way to go Curly!

Teacher: Okay, now may I continue, Mr. Timberlake?

Justin:(nods guiltly) Yes, ma'am.

Teacher: Miss Spears?

Britney: Yeah! (giggles and flips hair over shoulder, while popping another piece of gum in her mouth) Like, totally!

Teacher:(lets out an exasperated sigh) Now, as I was saying, today we will begin with the female body.

AJ: Yes! (does a couple pelvic thrusts, then proceeds to hump the floor)

Teacher: Mr. McLean!

AJ:(quickly jumps up from the floor and adjusts his pants) Oh, sorry.

Teacher: Please sit down, Mr. McLean. Now- Yes?? (looks at Q who is frantically waving her hand in the air)

Q: His name isn't Mr. McLean.

Teacher:(sighs) What is it then?

Q:(looks at V and they both begin to snicker) It's Mr. Humps!

Teacher:(sarcastically) That's great! Now class, may I continue without any further interruptions? (the class is silent in response, except for the sound of Britney's gum, and Christina's nail file) Okay. Now this, (pulls down a poster of a naked female body) is the female body.

Chris: Woo hoo! (runs up to the poster and begins humping it)

AJ: No, Chris! You're doing it wrong! (walks over to the poster, pushes Chris aside, and begins humping it himself) See? This is how you gotta do it.

Teacher: Boys! Stop it right now! (pulls poster back up) Go back to your seats. Okay, well- What are you guys doing(looks at Kevin and JC who are frantically scribbling notes)

Kevin:(looks up from his notebook) Taking notes, ma'am.

Teacher: I'm just going to let that go. Okay, since the part on- What are you two looking at? (she is looking at Howie and Lance who are both hunched over an open magazine) Okay, boys. Give me the magazine.

Howie:(sheepishly walks up and hands the teacher the magazine)

Teacher: I don't believe this. (shakes head. In her hands is the infamous *dum dum dum* Vouge magazine!) Okay, Mr. Dorough. You may return to your seat. (turns to Q who is yet again waving her hand frantically in the air) What???

Q: His name is Mr. Dorough. V, would you care to do the honors?

V: His name is Mr. Winks!!

Teacher: OKAY!!!! Now this (pulls down a poster of a naked male body. Christina followed by Britney, Howie, and Lance all quickly run to the front of the room to get a closer look) Okay, now this is the penis.

Q:(bursts out laughing)

Teacher: Is there something you find funny about the word, penis, Miss-


Teacher:(gives wierd look to V, then turns her attention back to Q) Well??

Q:(laugh) YES! (laugh) PENIS!!! (laugh) That is sucha funny (laugh) word! (laugh)

Joey: Hey, my Twinkie looks kinda like a penis. (holds up his Twinkie. A look of awe comes across his face)

Kevin: No it doesn't! No one's penis is that big!

Q:(is now on the floor from laughing so hard)

V: Joey's is that big. (the room quickly falls slient as everyone turns to stare at V) Or, uh, so I've heard. (runs quickly out the door, with Joey on her heels)

Nick: Hey, wait! Come back with that Twinkie! (follows after his beloved Twinkie, Q getting up and leaving close behinf him)

Teacher: That's it! You all are morons! You four (points at Britney, Justin, Lance, and Howie), can't keep your hands off your partner. You both (points at AJ and Christina) look like you should be walking the streets of New York! You two (points at Kevin and JC) are nerds! (Points at Chris) Were you dropped on your head as a child? Because your sense of fashion is way off. And then there's you two! (points at Brian and Mandy) Sitting there the whole time grinning like idiots! Well I can't take it anymore! I'm out! (runs from the room screaming)

~~~*THE END*~~~

Tee hee.  Lava lamp= S-E-X

You know that Q just had to do that, didn't you? If you don't understand why, just put your mouse over it and you will see why.