*N Street

Updated and Finished 3/16/01

(We find ourselves in the oval office where the president has called up both the Backstreet Boys and *N Sync)

President: Now gentlemen, you may be wondering why I called you here today...gentlemen...gentlemen!! (he realizes that no one is listening to him.)

(Justin is reading, "How to Perfect Your Ebonics," Chris is cutting up the curtains to use as a shirt for his clothing line, Brian is reading the bible, Lance and Howie are both looking at the latest edition of Vouge, Nick and Joey are both fighting for the last Twinkie, AJ was getting yet another tatoo, JC was sniffing crack, and Kevin was brushing his cattapillars-I mean eyebrows)

President: (looks around desperately and pushes a button. The sound of screaming girls fills the room)

JC: Fans?!

Lance & Howie: (looking up from their magazine) Where?

(all the boys look around)

President: Well, now that I have your attention. Boys, hip-hop, rap, and rock are beggining to take over the music scene again.

Kevin: We are well aware of that, sir. Those people have pushed us back the countdown.

JC: (looking smug) We haven't been affected at all.

Nick: Oh, I'll wipe that smug look off your face! (lunges at JC)

(Suddenly Jerry Springer and his audience that is constantly chanting, pop up. Out of no where two Jerry Springer security gaurds come and pull Nick and JC apart)

President: Now boys. I need five out of the ten of you to become a new boyband. This boyband will be the most superior pop group in the world. Eventually bringing pop back to stay. Now I am going to leave it to you guys to do this, and pick the right guys. (leaves room, locking the door behind him)

(Nsync and BSB glare at each other)


Joey: I win!

AJ: What the hell are you talking about?

Joey: Weren't we having a staring contest? (a chorus of dumbass filters through the room)

Kevin: Okay. Well I think we should get down to buisness. What's the one thing that every boyband has?

Nick: The stupid, gay, unpopular one! (all heads quickly turn to Lance and Howie, who have averted their attention back to the Vouge magazine)

Howie:(looks up and glances around) What?

JC: I think Lance should stay!

Brian: No, Howie!

Justin: Let's have 'em fight, yo!

Howie:(making his hand go limp) But I hate fighting! (winks)

Chris: Just do it! (all the guys form a circle around the squirming Lance and Howie)

Lance: Urm- (is cut off by Howie slapping him in the face) Why you little bitch!

Howie: Bring it on! (the two begin what most would call a "chick fight")

::10 Minutes Later::

Howie:(shouting from outside of the room, through the door) C'mon you guys! (winks) I won the fight!

JC: Yeah, but the gay ones usually lose the fights. And well, Lance lost.

Lance:(grins) Sorry, Howie!

Howie:(walking away) No one loves Howie D. (winks)

::Inside of the Room::

Kevin: Now the sleepy perfectionist should come.

JC: Okay, I'll stay.

Kevin: No, I meant me.

Justin: I think JC should stay.

Nick: Yeah, me too.

Kevin:(gives Nick the infamous "Kevin Brow" glare) Quiet you!

Nick:(runs away and cowers in a corner)

Lance: Well, whoever is left will be narrowed down with Brian.

::2 Minutes Later Outside of Room::

Kevin: I can't believe I lost to my own cousin (sighs)

JC:(looking at Kevin) I can't believe you lost to your own cousin. (walks away with Kevin following close behind)

::Back Inside::

Brian: Okay, now we need the wild, crazy, rebel!

Lance: Brian, you and I should be the judges.

Brian:(shielding eyes) I thought winking was bad... Lance you need to go out in the sun and get a tan! You're making me blind!

Lance: Thorry.

AJ: We need the mother f****** rebel! Well I'm the s*** you want!

Brian:(chucks bible at AJ) May the lord have mercy on your soul!

Lance: Well what should we do to chose?

Brian: Have them read the Good Book!

AJ: Hell no!

Brian:(sticking fingers in ears) La, la, la, la, la! I'll just pretend that I didn't hear that AJ McLean!

AJ: Hell! Hell! Hell!

Brian: La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Chris: I make shirts! (smiles proudly and shows off his newest design)

Justin: Yo, dawg! Dat be not very 'bellious chief! (he recieves confused looks from everyone in the room)

Brian: What?

Lance: I speak Justin. He said, "Hey, Chris! That's not very rebellious, Indian leader." Well, that's what chief means really, I still haven't figured out what Justin thinks it means.

Brian: Ok, whoever can come up with the scariest hair style in the next ten minutes is the person who stays!

::10 Minutes Later::

Chris:(walks proudly out with a bowl cut) Lance did it!

Lance:(beams proudly) Just like the good ol' days in Mississippi.

Brian: But what's that white stuff in your hair Chris?

Joey: I helped!!! (grins cheekly)

Chris:(muttering) It's twinkie filling.

Brian: Okay Nick, bring AJ out.

Nick: C'mon AJ!!!

AJ:(shouting from inside the bathroom) No!

Brian: It can't be that bad if you chose it!

AJ: I just told Nick to go ahead and do whatever.

Brian:(face turns white) AJ, what were you thinking?

AJ: I don't know, but it sure wasn't this. (walks out of bathroom)

(everybody in the room is tounge tied and just stares at the strange look AJ has on his head. Nick is standing there grinning up a storm)

Nick: So, what does everybody think?

Chris: I'll show myself to the door. Good luck on your boy band, I'll be rootin' for you! (exits room)

Brian: So now who do we have left to get?

Lance: Let's see, we have the Rebel, the Perfect One, the Gay One... I don't know what we need next.

AJ: The cute baby of the group, you dildo's!

Brian: I miss Kevin...

AJ: Ha ha, he got that from me you know.

Brian: Ok, so what are we going to have Nick and Justin do?

AJ: I'd kinda like to see them beat the crap out of each other! (smiles and nods his head)

Lance: AJ, must all your solutions end in violence?

AJ:(thinking) Yeah...

Brian: How about we have them try to seduce some girl?

Justin & Nick: YEAH!!!

Brian: Um, alright, who should we use?

Justin: How about my girlfriend?


Justin: Yeah... (gives them all "duh" looks and opens the door letting in a girl with brown hair wearing a cheerleading uniform) This, is Mandi!

Nick: What happened to Britney?

Justin: Ew, I dumped that whore after I met Mandi.

AJ:(begins to hit on Mandi)

Mandi:(goes into a black belt routine and kicks AJ in the balls) I'm in karate. (smiles sweetly as AJ withers on the ground in pain)

Brian: Well, Justin, you do know that you can't be in the group now, right?

Justin: Yo, foo, why not?

Brian: Because in all new boybands you can't have a girlfriend...

Justin: Dat's wack yo! Let's go bitch! (gets slapped by Mandi)

Mandi:(walks out the door)

Justin: Aw, come on girl! I was just playin' witchu! (runs after her)

Brian:(watches after then retreating Justin then turns his attention to Nick) Looks like you're the baby in the group Nick.

Nick: Yeay! (eats a twinkie)

Brian: Ok, we have four... but we need five, who's left?

Lance: Joey.

(all heads turn to Joey who is raiding the mini fridge)

Lance: Hey Joey!

Joey:(turns around) Yeah?

Lance: You're in the band.

Joey: Cool! (goes back to raiding the fridge with Nick, who has now joined him)

Brian: Well, our job is done... we've created the boyband.

Lance: Well, what should we be called?

(V n' Q pop up out of nowhere)

V: It's written you're called *N Street and there's nothing you can do to change it. (she dissapears with a poof)

Q:(nods, grabs Nick's ass, and then leaves with a poof)

Brian:(perplexed) Alright, we're *N Street!