Christina FANatic

It's a sad, sad thing, but V and I went on FANatic. It never came out, but we have the true behind the scenes happenings. So here it is:

(V & Q are watching TRL in Q's living room when they hear a knock on the door. Both look at the door, not wanting to answer, unsure of who it could be)

V:(finally gets up and answers the door. On the other side stands the FANatic camera crew. They burst into the house while congradulating V & Q profusely)

V & Q: What the hell?!

V: This must be Q's doing. She's obsessed with the Backstreet Boys.

Q: I never sent in anything for FANatic. (under her breath) Except for that Hanson tape in '97.

Host of FAN: Congradulations, you get to interview Christina Aguilera!

Q:(opens mouth to speak, but no sound comes out)

V: No, this can't be right. There must be some mis-(is interrupted when two people grab V & Q and shove them them into the back of a cheap, tacky, limo)

Q:(begins screaming and smacking the window that connects them to the driver) Why isn't he listening?

V: You dumbass! The window is sound proof!

Q: So there's no way to escape? (the two girls gasp after the shocking realization of what they have to do on national television)
Q:(whimpering) Of all people...Christina Aguilera?

(The limo comes to a screeching halt, where 20 camera's and lights greet them at the studio, where Christina is awaiting her #1 fans. V & Q both catiously step out of the car, and are quickly rushed and seated in a matter of seconds. About a minute later Christina is seated in front of the two gaping girls. Her outfit is whorey and hookerish as usual.)

V:(under her breath) Lets get out of here. (both girls jump up, turn and run, but find themselves face to face with two, big, burly, security gaurds.)

Christina: The last FANatic I did, the fans ran away. So I've come prepared this time. (she pulls out rope and duct tape while grinning evily)

Q: You really are the devil aren't you?

Christina: Shut up! (minutes later, both V & Q are bound to their chairs. Q's mouth is taped shut)
Christina:(to V) Since you're the only one that can talk, these are the qustions you ask me. (shoves a yellow legal pad into V's lap)

Q:(glares at Christina and incomprehensable noises come out from uder the duct tape)

V:(ignoring Q) If I ask these now, will we get to leave sooner?

Christina:(twirling hair) Wha?

V: Questions??? Leave??? Here???

Christina:(a look of intense concentration comes over face. V thinks she smells something burning)

V: Has all that peroxide finally gotten to your brain? (noises that sound like laughter come from Q)

Christina:(glares at Q, then turns back to V) Why don't you just ask the questions?

V:(rolls eyes) Fine. Uh, how do you stay so pretty during all- wait. Did you write these questions yourself?

Christina: How about the next question?

V:(looks at Q) Why don't you let her ask one?

Christina: I guess. (rips tape of Q)


Christina:(smirks) Do you want to ask a question?

Q: Yeah. Are those real? (nods head towards Christina's boobs)

V:(laughs) What kind of question is that? Of course they're not real! (both V & Q begin laughing)

Christina:(face turning red. When she begins to speak her voice sounds a lot like Satan from South Park) Do not tempt me, you inferior beings! (flames shoot up from behind her)

V: So you are the devil.

Christina:(still in satanic voice) Well, duh.

V: Well, um, okay. Why don't you tell us how your turned yourself into such an ug- I mean beautiful person? (shudders)

Christina:(begins to drone on about herself)

Q:(falls asleep)

V:(has used this time to untie herself, knowing Christina would be to into herself to notice)

Christina:(finishes, and see's Q still tied up, drool forming in the corner of her mouth, and lightly snoring. She then notices V's chair empty and spots her standing bside it with her hands behind her back.) What are you doing?

V:(pulls tape player from behind her back) It's more of what I'm going to do. (presses play, and "...Baby One More Time" coms on)

Q:(head snaps up, ropes come off and are replaced by pigtails and a Catholic School uniform)

Christina: What's going on?

V: You see, Q has a sad, sad problem called Alter-Britneyitis. It's where her alter ego is Britney Spears, your competition!

Brit/Q:(spots Christina) You? I want my voice back!

V: What is she talking about?

Christina: Well since I am the devil, I bewitched Britney and took her voice. That voice you hear is actually mine. Not very pretty is it?

Brit/Q: I want mine back, bitch! (lunges at Christina, knocking her to the ground and beating her unconscious)

V: Maybe I should stop the tape. (presses stop button)

Q:(looking around confused) Wha- What happened?

V: Britney came out.

Q:(noticing the bleeding corpse, formally known as Christina) With good results though.

V & Q:(turn towards camera) Thanks FANatic, for making our dreams come true... Killing Christina Aguilera! (the two link arms and walk off)

The End!

A pic from when I liked her.

OMG!!! It's the devil! I wanna go home!